For a long time now I have been weighing the decision to move from London, where I currently live, back to America. The last few months I went through phases of feeling ready to move, especially when returning to London after having visited family in the states. However, I wouldn’t act on it and within a few weeks I settled back in and couldn’t imagine leaving the city, my community, my job or the endless opportunities to travel.
More recently I found myself wrestling with the idea again after visiting Seattle, Washington. When I landed in Seattle, it was a feeling as I walked through the airport and spent the weekend overcome with joy surrounded by friends, nature and vibrancy. I knew it was going to be my next home.
Upon my return to London I let myself settle once more and fall back into life here, but the thought lingered. In silence, I told myself I would live in London another 6 months to a year and my body felt physically heavy. I then switched the narrative and told myself I’d move back to America, live in a new city and be closer to family again. I felt giddy inside and my body housed so much excitement. The light bulb went off and I was drawn to make a move. I started acting on it right away and within that same week I confidently handed in my notice at work and decided I was going to move back in 8 weeks time. I just knew.
This may make my decision to move seem simple. Far from it. I have experienced an internal battle for months since the time I initially thought I was ready and clearly wasn’t. I worried too much about when to move or how it might affect others. I put pressure on myself to have everything figured out.
Although it now feels empowering to “just know”, this doesn’t make the transition easy. Leaving a place close to my heart and moving far away from people who mean the world to me also means navigating extremely difficult emotions. I am trying to find gratitude knowing the reason this decision is so challenging is because I am closing the chapter on what will always be a special time in my life.
This process has taught me many lessons. Here are a few I thought were worth sharing with the world:
・Answers can be found when we tune in to how our body physically responds
・Learning to trust ourselves will help mitigate worry
・Trusting our intuition is one of our greatest powers
・In time we will know what is right or when we are ready to shift and grow
・In order to create new beginnings we need to face discomfort
Rachel, I am so excited for you to make this move!! Although London has treated you so well, I am excited that you are so excited to move to new city make the far journey. These are not easy decisions but your thought process is impressive. Can’t wait to see your success in Seattle. Safe travels back to the states! 🙂
Thank you Kailey. London has been so special, glad we got to spend a day exploring together is such a great city! I am really looking forward to whatever Seattle brings, appreciate you. Hope to see you soon. 🙂
So true! Even good change is challenging!
Love this thought, heart, and gut filled process. I am grateful you shared your journey. I will try to tune in to my body more.
One of your fans,
Lauren
So sad that you have decided to leave England’s green and pleasant land, Rachel. But you must follow your heart and be closer to family and friends. Your green green grass of home understandably has a pull on you. However, we’re sure you’ll always have that special relationship with the United Kingdom that you have got to know so well. A climb in the Rockies will doubtlessly be as exhilarating as setting foot on Snowdonia’s more modest peaks.
A move of home never easy to decide upon and you’ll be much missed we’re sure but air travel will make Seattle and London seem like adjoining cities.
Go well, Rachel and with our warm regards. We’ll not lose touch.
Les and Elma in South Africa a mere small stone’s throw from Heathrow.
Well Rachel a fun read. As sometimes happens easier to read about someone’s else’s quandaries than struggle with one’s own.
My favorite part was when you wrote: “I then switched the narrative.” Do we do that? You went to Seattle then back to London. I suppose the trip to Seattle however brief it might have been provided the material to try a different narrative like dream analysts say we assemble dreams from the recent details. So old fashioned on the ground investigation may still be as important as tuning into our bodies, listening to our intuition and switching the narrative. Your grandfather would always say to me “find out the facts first – then we’ll find a theory that fits.” Which didn’t mean making up theories but basing them on facts. And so you have based you decision on intuition, how you feel physically, mentally and emotionally. Thus, “my body housed so much excitement. The light bulb went off and I was drawn to make a move. I started acting on it right away and within that same week I confidently handed in my notice at work and decided.”
The final piece or step in your process, or so it seemed to me, and very poignant it is: “I am trying to find gratitude knowing the reason this decision is so challenging is because I am closing the chapter on what will always be a special time in my life.” Thus, can we come to terms with the apparent contradiction of willingly ending (or pausing) an experience that has been and perhaps still is wonderful and letting that go. I used the present tense “very poignant it is” because as I can see from your blog and the comments like so many things the people, places and experiences continue. Now you will be that American gal in Seattle from London, UK. Seattle is very lucky as London was. Love, Uncle Jim